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Confidence: I was not lacking in confidence beforehand, but add a bullhorn and I became superhuman. Walking around with a bullhorn gives all the authority of a gun, without any of the toolishness or danger of it accidentally discharging in your sweatpants.

To this day, Jojo brings this up approximately once a month. At Duke there were four distinct types: insecure, fearful types hiding from the real world; the super-serious ones so brainwashed by the unreality of academia they aren’t even human anymore; the ones just looking for their Mrs. A group of cute girls who looked like they might be game walked by. I’m not doing that.” Tucker “We’ve already established that you’d sleep with a guy for money, now we’re just haggling over the price.” I guess she doesn’t have to learn history to be a nurse, because she thought my little Winston Churchill impression was funny and original.Credit had the same exasperated expression he got when he learned the student parking lot was a full mile away from the law school building. It became a part of me, a natural extension of my arm. You know how when you pine after something really badly, like a cool toy or a new car or whatever, once you get it, it’s never as good as you imagined it would be? This was so much better than I could’ve ever dreamed.No possession of mine, before or since, has ever completed me the way that bullhorn did; it embodied all of the characteristics that I consider most essential to myself… Arguing: I was pretty good at debating with people before, but now, I had a permanent trump card.I scribbled my signature, ran back to my room, tore open the package, loaded the batteries I already purchased, then cautiously put the bullhorn up to my lips and whispered: I ran out of my room into the living room. ” Credit “Everyone is going to hate us.” Hate “Max, you aren’t really taking that thing to Campout are you?Hate was jolted forward in his recliner, white-knuckling the armrests with a look on his face like he’d just seen the devil. ” Tucker [ I turned it down to 2—loud but still a manageable indoor volume—and spoke to everyone exclusively through the bullhorn for the next week.Lottery winners are then drawn and each of these lucky individuals is eligible to buy one of the 700 graduate and professional season tickets… With almost 2000 students representing nearly every program and department at the University in attendance, this is also the premier graduate and professional student social event of the year.

Campout is an excellent opportunity to bond with your students in your own program and make friends in other programs.” The bolding is theirs, not mine.It took me a few days, but I finally figured out how to completely ruin the event for everyone who sucks, while concurrently making it awesome for me and my friends. They wanted to taunt me until it arrived, knowing the anticipation was slowly killing me.About two weeks before the grad student campout was to start, I was in the law library, intently focusing on my computer screen when my buddy Hate walked up. ” Tucker “Ordering something online.” Hate “What, a Russian mail-order bride? (That, and none of us ever went to class anyway because law school is ridiculously easy.) Credit “Max, I haven’t seen you this excited since Brad Pitt took his shirt off in gay, I’d still have it better than you.” When the Fed Ex truck finally showed up, I sprinted to the front desk.Not going to a bar or to a party with your friends, or, God fucking forbid, ACTUALLY GOING TO THE GAMES. But if those Duke basketball tools are going to make me sleep outside for two nights, I’m going to make them pay. Waiting for the delivery guy felt like Christmas, except without the part where your parents drink all the present money and wrap up things from your room as your gifts.Nope, to them, the coolest thing a grad student can do is to root around in filth. And not just by getting drunk and fucking their ugly girlfriends. Credit and Hate stayed home that day too, not because they were excited about the bullhorn, but because they are dicks.Let’s get right to the most important issue on your mind: How can YOU get season tickets to this year’s men’s basketball games in Cameron Indoor Stadium?