As a 40-something babe, I now understand that dating was easy in my 20s.Forty-somethings have to find someone who not only meets all the 20-something requirements but is not all the things that decades of ex-lovers were.
My twin sister ended up marrying the first man that she went on a date with, and they are so blindingly happy that sometimes it hurts to look at them.When I decided to date online, I did so with intention. If you meet a guy who just got divorced and is only looking for a good time, don’t get upset or offended.I didn’t go into it looking for any specific “type,” but I did have a clear cut idea of what I wanted. Wish him luck, send him on his way, and keep a clear intention that you’re looking for something else.The really interesting thing about all of these narratives, is they came from people who consider themselves to be conscious singles.Many of them used niche dating sites for people who are green, spiritual, or want to experience relationships on a deeper level.More often, though, there were tales of extraordinarily dehumanizing behavior that were heartbreaking to hear.
One of my friends found who she thought was her perfect man, only to discover six months later that he lied about his name and age, and was married to a woman who was about to have his child.You can also check her out on the Happy Empaths Twitter feed @the_empath.At the age of 42, owing to two long relationships that tailgated each other, I found myself single for the first time since I was 20-something. In my 20s, I thought dating was hard: One had to find a mate who was attractive, single and not just recently single but single long enough to not still be in love with their ex-lover.My list started with: They must not have a fear of intimacy, be a liar, be a cheater, be a drunk, be boring, be broke, be un-therapized, be selfish in bed, have bad breath, hate their job, wear dirty socks to bed -- my list went on for another two pages.I had the average mortal checked off as a "no" at "hello." But more fundamentally speaking, how did a 40-something get that first date?Usually my reasons for ignoring those signs were really superficial.