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And if you’re not in position to search for sex, perhaps due to a business meeting or a family reunion, you can simply set your phone to silent while leaving open your hookup app of choice. As a therapist specializing in addictive sexual and intimacy disorders I am often asked: Isn’t this sort of technology a little bit dangerous? As is the case with any intensely stimulating, potentially pleasurable substance or behavior, individuals predisposed to impulsivity and compulsivity can become addicted.
For instance, gay men and women in small cities and towns where there are no obvious venues for LGBT socialization can meet and chat digitally, making friends and scheduling dates in ways that weren’t even remotely possible just a few years ago.Note, please, that over the course of the past two decades something that was once viewed as nothing short of desperate (placing a “personal ad”) has now become de rigueur for single (and sometimes not-so-single) men and women, regardless of age, race, creed, color, or sexual orientation.Amazingly, the social impact of dating websites pales in comparison to the impact of “adult friend finder” smartphone apps.Single people no longer need to join clubs that only marginally interest them, play sports they don’t like, and beg friends to find potential dates.Instead, they log on, find someone interesting, and start the getting-to-know-you process right away - all the while fishing in an ocean rather than a pond.For those seeking a long-term relationship, traditional dating websites are probably a better option.
If you do opt for an app, be clear not just with yourself but in your profile about what you are seeking, be it intimacy and lasting connection or a hot but fleeting sexual encounter.
No muss, no fuss, just the sex, thank you very much.
Even if you’re not interested in (or available for) an immediate in-person hookup, you can still “play” with an online partner using suggestive texts and sexts.
Over time, this can become a pattern of behavior that creates directly related, easily discernible negative life consequences, including diminished physical and emotional health, loss of interest in other previously enjoyable activities, relationship problems, trouble at work or in school, and more.
As of now, approximately 60% of the individuals being treated for addictive/compulsive sexual behavior at The Ranch and the Sexual Recovery Institute report “frequent use of friend finder apps” as a significant contributor to their problem.
Some people even use these friend finder apps to find friends, or, better yet, a healthy, appropriate, long-term intimate partner.