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Lindsay has an excuse for ignoring Ryan for 30 minutes of doorbell: She thought it was Caleb arriving to pick her up for her paternity test appointment that he scheduled for her. Ryan notices the mostly packed suitcase in the corner, and Lindsay says she was getting packed to move in with Caleb because her mom wasn't being supportive of her in regards to Caleb. This was a wonderful use of everyone's time, although I did enjoy Summer literally asking Seth if he was going to advance the plot or not.She's kept it packed because her mom is going to move to Chicago to escape all of this Caleb drama, and Lindsay's thinking about going with her. as Seth knocks on her door while wearing a Spider-Man mask to protect himself from the rain. Sandy ends up at the diner that Rebecca called him from and they chat.
"Your case has nothing to do with my marriage." DUDE, BUY A CLUE.
Sandy and Rebecca are driving back to Newport, but they get stuck by a washout which won't get cleared up til the morning. I get that they're not on the interstate highway here, but it's also not the middle of nowhere. I know where this episode is going based on the Spider-Man mask and the rain, but maybe setting Zach up as so great here isn't the best plan.
Seth listens to End Of The Road by Boyz II Men in his room, because we needed to laugh at his comical depression over screwing up his own relationship with Summer, I guess. Seth goes to Alex's apartment and begs for his job at The Bait Shop back. He gets that too, (luckily, Alex just got paid) and as a bonus, he gets to see a half-dressed Marissa ask if Alex is coming back to bed or not.
Ryan's love life isn't in much better shape since he hasn't talked to Lindsay since she ran out of Caleb's party to not announce her adoption.
We switch music to In Every Sunflower by Bell X1, which will be the ongoing theme for the Sandy/Kirsten/Rebecca nonsense in this episode.
She yells at him for being an assclown and hangs up. Rebecca tries the "what we had meant nothing to you????
Your roll call for the test results: Lindsay, Ryan, Kirsten, Renee, and Caleb. The doctor comes in and confirms the result: Lindsay is Caleb's daughter. " gambit, but that's a dumb move on a guy you haven't seen in 22 years.
He yammers on about amnesty or a plea deal, completely ignoring what his FBI friend said to him in the last episode.
The writers know that people watch every episode, right? Lindsay took Ryan up on the offer to go with for the testing, and now they have to wait 24 hours. Over to Summer's room, where she mopes and listens to End Of The Road, too. Zach shows up and points out that Summer's Miss Piggy-esque luggage setup is way overdoing it for backpacking time in Italy. Oh, right, because Zach's sister is alienating, so she doesn't have friends.
Lindsay is now confronted with the reality of what to do if it's positive. They bust into Caleb's liquor cabinet and humidor and commiserate about their respective problems, including wondering if her marriage can survive all this. Hey, Summer can't go to Italy without a power adaptor!
Julie admits that she's actually not that worried about Marissa's "phase" because she had her own "phase" back in the day, but her world will collapse if Sandy and Kirsten actually split up over this Rebecca horsecrap. You're telling me that this is the only possible route back to Orange County? Zach has one, because Zach is the most thoughtful boyfriend a girl could ever have.
She tries to sell a story about how this is fate, and just for tonight, there's only Sandy and Rebecca as she leans in for a kiss. Marissa says okay, and then moves out of the house.