Online dating hell
Online dating hell - Free chat no email needed
In my sample of 150, not once did a girl take the initiative, pick a place, and invite me. It is a very time, resource, and attention consuming thing. I met smart girls, pretty girls, fun girls and weird girls and it was great even though in the end, I didn’t find my soulmate.
The excess of choice made me wary of missing out on my perfect match. To make sure I wouldn’t miss out, I designed a rigorous first-date process. I went on 150 first dates but didn’t manage to find the One. At some point, we got lost and I used this opportunity to steal a magical first kiss. I wanted to tell her that I liked her, but I was anxious that she wouldn’t.
There’s always the allure of finding something better or just different.
When you know someone in common, there’s a bit of reputation on the line so you behave differently.
One decided to end things despite “having enjoyed her time with me, for what it’s worth”. In the process, I also found out something horrible: I still believe technology can hack love, though that belief is likely irrational.
Another was exceptionally caring, and made me feel special, valued. Technology is leverage, and I think I leveraged it wrong: the execution was fine but the strategy wasn’t.
Another issue is that culturally relationships are driven by men, at least in the first innings. Who knows, perhaps I’ll find my special someone through this post?
This is different in the more progressive Scandinavian cultures. I want to thank the amazing women who participated involuntarily in this experiment.In computer science, this is known as the optimal stopping algorithm, aka the secretary problem. An abstraction layer capable of managing online dating for me: My first problem was solved: getting leads into the pipeline. If I changed my profile picture and got more “likes” as a result, that meant it was better.I was tracking data, which made it easy to see what performed best. I decided to hack the system and go for volume instead of personalization. I was determined to find the One, even if it meant swiping right the whole Bay Area.I needed to come up with a rigorous and scientific process. You need a certain amount of candidates to be able to benchmark what quality means, and humans are really difficult to assess. I had to qualify each lead — see with which girl there was a fit and with which there wasn’t, to maximize chances of finding the One. Openers, follow-up messages, swiping, bookmarking, text messages and phone number recording. I assumed canned messages wouldn’t work well, but after over 10,000 sent, there wasn’t a significant response rate difference between personalized and generic messages. I became an online dating magician who knew how to optimize a profile — A/B testing pictures and message.A new match would receive up to 7 follow up messages to maximize response rates.