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07-Sep-2017 02:36 by 9 Comments

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A few of your online friends invite you to play a game with them, but the prospect of having to talk, let alone cooperate with other people seems incredibly unpleasant.You decide to give the videogames a rest for the evening, though you worry that you've offended your online friends and your next conversation will be awkward because of it, giving you yet another source of stress to weigh down on you tonight.\n\n You boot up Netflix and cycle through some of your favorite shows and movies that you'd flagged as wanting to come back to, but again nothing seems to be able to hold your attention.

\n\n You look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. Mellville about how to manage your depression with a partner living with you at your next session. You cup her face in your hands and kiss her, and mentally vow that you are not going to stop living because you have a mental illness. You are really worried that if Alex were to live with you, she wouldn't be able to deal with your days of being unable to get out of bed or nights where you can do nothing but stare at the wall and panic.As she says, you can figure out the rest later - the point is that this is absolutely a thing you want.\n\n You're having too hard of a time stifling your excitement at the thought of having her around more, so you blurt your answer out.\n\n//"Yes! However, you're not sure how to find the words, and if you did you would probably just sound like a crazy person. Would she just assume that you're trying to find excuses to not live together?\n\n A bright clear day is giving way to a still, temperate evening.You can hear your coworkers all around you anxiously making plans for their evenings and weekends, but you're really looking forward to just going home and resting after what's turned out to be a very long and taxing work week.\n\n Just before the end of your shift, you get a call from Alex.A lot of times she doesn't seem to realize that there are days where you're not quite capable of doing things like going out and partying, or doing much more than existing.

Alex knows you very well, but she still doesn't know about your condition.

You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain.

It's an expression you're not unfamiliar with, it's one you've seen flash across her face many times during your time together.

It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you.\n\n//Maybe I can use this as a reason to finally get my act together,// you think to yourself.

//Maybe having her around will keep me from being so depressed so often.//\n \n You decide to push all of your worries down, and agree to move in.

In your mind, it was always her that left you, not the other way around.\n\n Soon enough, both of you are in tears as you talk through it. \n\n The reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low.

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